I interviewed Kody Brown and his wives — Meri, Janelle, Christine and Robyn — Friday about “Sister Wives,” the TLC docu-series that stars the family. The show, which also features the family’s 13 children, debuts tonight.
The Browns had just returned to Utah after making an appearance on the “Today Show” in New York City.
Despite the cross-country jaunt and media whirlwind, they were energetic and excited about the show’s launch.
Here are the Cliff Notes to who’s who:
Meri (first and legal wife) is 39, has been married to Kody for 20 years and has one 14-year-old daughter.
Janelle (second wife) is 40, has been married to Kody for 17 years and has six children ranging in age from 15 to 5.
Christine (third wife) is 37, has been married to Kody for 16 years and has six children ranging in age from 14 to 5 months (the birth of the last child is part of the show).
Robyn is 31 and becomes Kody’s fourth wife during an episode of the series. She has three children, who range in age from 10 to 5, from a previous marriage.
Meri, Christine and Robyn all come from Fundamentalist Mormon families; Kody and Janelle do not. But don’t count on getting much more explanation of the religious roots of their faith on the show; during the interview the family said they planned to say little about their religious affiliation or the politics surrounding their lifestyle.
That has already caused some confusion. A Huffington Post story about the show erroneously referred to the family as members of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. An Entertainment Weekly story said they belong to the “Reformed Church.”
Here’s my Q & A with the Browns, which includes their explanation of why they want to avoid drawing attention to their particular church:
How did you decide to do this show?
Kody: The producer actually got in touch with us through Principle Voices and he said he wanted to make a documentary. He solicited TLC after we consented with him. So somebody came looking for us.
But how did you as a family decide to do this?
Kody: He presented it and we discussed it as a family, we discussed it in depth.
Christine: Yeah, we did.
Robyn: With the children as well. We sort of took a vote.
Christine: We just made it clear that our goal right from the very beginning was to do a documentary about our family. He agreed as far as we didn’t want it to be intrusive, wanted it to just be about us, and there was nothing . . . .
Commercial break: As Christine explains the family’s goals for the show Meri suddenly gags after taking a bite of a brownie and rises from the table where we are seated, holding a hand over her mouth. I am thinking, “Where are the cameras! This is is great!”
Meri: That’s mint.
Christine: Oh sweetie, is that mint? Honey, mine wasn’t. Mine wasn’t, mine was not mint.
Robyn: She hates it! She hates mint. Oh, she hates it so bad!
Christine: She’s going to throw up!
Laurie Goldberg (TLC publicist): From that reaction I thought I was going to have to take you to the hospital!
Christine: No, she felt like I betrayed her. Honey, I didn’t think it was mint. Mine was not mint!
Robyn: Oh, she hates it. If you have some gum in your mouth, you can’t breathe around her.
Christine: And the same thing, if you have a banana in your mouth, don’t breathe around me.
Meri: Sorry!
Christine: That is so funny. I thought I said something [wrong]. I was like, “It’s the truth! What do you mean?”
Meri: All you said is, “It’s really good Meri, try it.”
Christine: Oh, that was mint. There you go.
Kody: This is the way it is all the time. They are always quite engaged.
Now we return to the interview . . .
So you voted about it (doing the show)?
Kody: It wasn’t necessarily a vote but it was a full, open discussion and as far as everybody was the family was united about it.
Christine: The teenagers have gone, once we started filming, the teenagers have gone back and forth. Somedays they don’t want to be and some days they do want to be. But we have let them know, if you don’t want to be then just don’t be in the film, just don’t.
What’s it like logistically to have the cameras in your home? Are they there every day, are they there when you get up?
Meri: There was one day, two days I guess, that we planned that they would be there when we got up. It was something scheduled and something planned and all the kids knew about it because we wanted to for the first episode do a day in the ‘life of’ type of thing. But other than that they are not there. We schedule everything. It is not a 24 hour-a-day thing. It’s all scheduled, we know when they are coming.
Robyn: Yeah, we know when they’re coming and they just say we just want you to just do your regular stuff and we’re going to be here. And it’s actually surprisingly very . . .
Kody: Nonintrusive.
Robyn: Noninclusive, yeah, very much so.
Christine: They keep the crew very limited so we never feel like they’re really there.
Robyn: They’re like family. The kids love ‘em. They run and jump in their arms, and they want to talk to and play with them.
Meri: They’ve come over for birthday parties and different functions without their cameras.
Robyn: Some of them are going to be invited to Thanksgiving.
Meri: We’ve come to know and love these people over the year we’ve been working with them.
Robyn: They’re really great people.
Meri: And they are very respectful if there something’s going on and we’re like, ‘Wait a second, cut the cameras,’ you know, because we just can’t have that going on.
Tell me one episode when you had them turn off the camera.
Christine: Well, the other day Aspyn came home from school and she’d had a bad day that was a little bit challenging and she came home from school — she’s 15 — and she just looked at me and saw that we were being filmed. I forgot to tell her that we were going to be filmed and she likes to know way in advance. She gets her planning from Janelle, actually, not from me. She’s just like what are they doing here? And I said, “Oh, I’m sorry, they’re filming today.” And she’s like, “They’re not filming me” and she went into her room and slammed the door.
So I’m, like, okay.
Meri: There will be times that I’ll get home and they will be there and Kody will be like, ‘Oh yeah, sorry I forgot to tell you they were coming.’ And I’m like, arggh, . . Alright give me five minutes, 10 minutes, to collect myself and plan for this because I need to have a little prep time in my head.
Robyn: I remember, they were at my house and they were following me into the bedroom, I had to go in there for something, and they asked can we follow you in, and I said, “No” and slammed the door.
Are we going to see some of that?
Robyn: No. It wasn’t like I was mad or anything it was just like no, you’re not coming in my messy bedroom right now.
What has been the reaction of your friends and family?
Meri: It’s mixed.
Kody: Yeah, it’s very mixed. Some of it is ridiculously supportive, like they’re rooting for us, like ‘You go.’
Meri: And some are ridiculously not.
Kody: Some are absolutely opposed.
Christine: It’s a wide variety.
Robyn: We’ve got some family that just really like, “I don’t agree with you doing this kind of an idea” and we just have to go, “Okay, I’m sorry. I love you any way.”
Kody: It is an issue that to us that is sacred and so there is a deep concern amongst our society that it will profane what is sacred.
Christine; And that is not our intention. We want to just show our family. And we never want to cross into anything that would make other people feel uncomfortable or that we were trying to represent any one other than us. This is just our family. And that’s really what we hoped would happen.
What is the reaction of your faith community to this?
Robyn: Very mixed as well.
How about in the broader Fundamentalist Mormon community?
Meri: I’m sure that is going to be mixed, too. I think that is going to be with everybody, not even just our faith, our religious peers or family, but just people in general, the American public in general — it’s going to be mixed.
How are your children handling this public attention?
Christine: We’ve got a daughter that doesn’t want to live this lifestyle but she’s the first one to tell her friends that she is part of a polygamous family. And she’s like, “Do you want to come over and meet them.” And she brings her friends over and she goes, “This is Christy, and she’s one of my moms.” She is the first person to introduce.
I think it’s been liberating for them that they can tell people, tell their friends, but that is extremely their choice. If they don’t want to tell people — they will find out because of the show — but we’ve never made them tell anybody or not.
Robyn: A couple of my daughters, they’ll came home and they’re say, “Yeah, we told our friends, we’ve told them about the show.” My six-year-old, she’s like, “I told my friend I’m going to be on TV and I have a big family and stuff.”
And I said, “What did they said/” “They said, “Oh, great!” And they went and played some more. Can you see Breanna saying that?
Christine: I can. Oh! Great!
So they are handling it pretty well?
Robyn: So far.
Kody: Kids are very resilient. On some days they’re gung-ho about it. We’ve really have only a couple that have been actually shy about the show.
Meri: My daughter has said, — she’s 15 — she’s like, “Oh mom, it is going to be so weird to walk into the store and have people recognize me. She’s cool with it, but she’s like it is going to be so weird.
Janelle, who was in a different room doing another interview, joins the conversation.
You are still in the midst of this but how has it affected your relationships?
Janelle: It’s made us stronger.
Meri: It’s made us stronger. We just know we have to kick it into high gear and work on these relationships so that we can be strong.
Kody: Being in front of the camera and the sets is almost cathartic. You start expressing all your emotion, you start talking about it. And one time we were over expressing our emotions and I looked over at Janelle and she said we just saved ourselves 20 years of emotion swept under the carpet.
Christine: $10,000 in therapy.
Kody: Because we are actually dealing with the emotions. And so what we do, we forgive each other, we love each other and we move forward as a family.
Robyn: We know being on a show like this has a tendency sometimes to put a lot of pressure on a family so we’ve made an extra effort to communicate, to take time to make sure that we are discussing things we need to and make sure we are on the same page. We’ve actually been very proactive about it.
You said on the Today Show that faith and love were your reasons for doing this. Can you elaborate on both? Faith and love?
Kody: The faith one is a difficult one because it’s a faith-based lifestyle and as I have gone through this for 20 years of marriage with Meri, 16 with Christine, 17 with Janelle and now Robyn’s come into the family, I would look back on the whole thing and say I would do it for love. Because I’ve got these beautiful children, I’ve got these beautiful wives and I’m very happy with my situation.
Okay, so that’s the love. But then it’s faith-based . . .
Kody: But it is faith-based and anybody who understands Fundamentalist Mormons are going to kind of know why. But to protect the , , ,
Janelle: We’re only here to talk about our family and that’s all we can speak to really. I don’t know what’s going on with everything else.
Kody: Exactly.
Meri: Except you have a belief and you have a belief in this lifestyle.
Christine: It’s hard to go there.
Robyn: It would take all day.
Christine: Because if we try and represent our community, they might not like it. There’s no way we are even beginning to represent the LDS Church and people might think that way. So it’s really hard to say exactly, to be fair to everybody.
Kody: It becomes political.
Janelle: Ultimately, we only set out to say, ‘You know what? Our family is so happy, we’re so happy. We love our life. We chose our life. I would choose it again just like Kody. Really truly, that’s all we can speak to.
You set out to show how happy your family is, you know the legal environment you sit in here, is there a motive to show that it should be decriminalized or not penalized in the way it is?
Christine: That’s not what we’re setting out to do. There is not way that our living this way is any disrespect to the law in any way. What we are setting out to do is to just promote understanding and awareness and acceptance. That’s what we’re really hoping to do.
Kody: We believe there will be more safety in all of society if there is more transparency in the polygamous community. We don’t have any control over the polygamous community, but this family has chosen to be transparent.
Robyn: We just want to say that there are a lot of stereotypes, a lot of belief, a lot of ideas about polygamy is, what plural marriages is and that those do not fit this family.
Christine: We absolutely just want to show that our children are so free thinking and so free willed and that’s what we like.
Janelle: They are free willed. It’s loud at our house! (laughs)
Meri: They are really strong willed, they have to be to deal with all of us. (laughs)
Christine: And we like it that way. And we want them to speak their minds.
Robyn: All you have to do is look at Mykelti’s hair! (laughs)
Christine: We like them to speak their minds. And that’s what we want for them for the whole future. We just want them to love their life.
Janelle: Yeah, understand choice and consequence, be strong. Make the choices that make them happy.
Kody: We want them to choose their faith and their lifestyle as well.
Robyn: Of course, you know, we promote and want them to be able to choose their spouse and when they get married. And we promote education to them.
Janelle: I will say we are sort of like more than promoting the education. We sort of like . . .
Kody: . . . enforcing it a bit.
Meri: My daughter, I say you can’t get married until you’re 21 or 22. And she’s like whatever, mom, 25. She’s like, ‘I’m going to get some college behind me before I . . .’ That’s cool.
Robyn: Let them be an adult first.
What do you hope is the outcome of doing the show?
Janelle: A better life for our kids.
Christine: Very good.
Kody: Tolerance and acceptance.
Meri: Openness and honesty.
Robyn: A little bit of knowledge and a little bit of education for the public.
Christine: It’s almost like the lyrics of a song . . .
The women then weave the phrases into a spontaneous song: Tolerance and acceptance. And that’s a family. Openness and honesty. Education and information. All you need is love!
Janelle: We’re a little punchy.
Robyn: It’s been a long three days!
Are you following the comments and reaction to the show?
Christine: Can I say I love it? I watched “Nightline” last night and I was so excited.
Janelle: Well, the comments, we’re not paying attention . . .
Christine: Oh no, just “Nightline.”
Kody: We’re not following the blogs. They’re scary.
Robyn: We’re not watching blogs. We made a family rule to not read blogs.
Meri [in high squeaky, confessional voice]: Some of us break the rules sometimes.
Christine: Freedom of choice! Freedom of choice. I watched “Nightline” and I absolutely loved it. I thought it was so fantastic. They presented exactly what I had in mind: Four amazing, independent women, they showed Kody as a loving father, a loving husband, it showed the kids having a good time with each other. They showed me in my pajamas, which I’m none too thrilled about but that was my choice to go on there. And it was just wonderful. I’ve been thrilled. If it’s been neutral, it’s wonderful. But it’s been so positive.
Janelle: It’s been open. I guess most of what we’ve seen has been open. There are those who don’t understand, and it’s okay.
Robyn: I haven’t run into them personally.
Janelle: Well, there will be and I’m okay with that because, you know what, they have the right to believe the way they want to believe and that’s okay.
Robyn: I just want them to have all the information before they make that judgement, that’s all.
Kody: Or if they’ve made that judgement we’re hoping to give them more information that changes their viewpoint.
Janelle: Or at least expands it. . . . A lot of it is education. The show is gong to help address a lot of that we hope.
Robyn: There’s a lot of misconceptions. And they are going to sit and talk about on these blogs and everything. What we’re hoping, though, is, a lot of times what happens is and we’ve seen this several times, people have this idea then they watch the first three episodes and they’re like, ‘Oh!” and they’re different.
Janelle: They are at least willing to consider that it is not what they thought.
Kody: So many people start out thinking that my wives suffer from low self-esteem, which is a crock.
The worst comment I’ve ever seen was . . . what pitiful women with such low self-esteem. That is so far from the truth. They didn’t enter this lifestyle because they have low self-esteem. That is one of the worst of the stereotypes. It makes me angry to think they . . .
Meri: If you knew any one of us, you would know otherwise for sure.
Janelle: We are definitely opinionated.
Meri: And we let you know.
Janelle: That is the goal of this whole thing. The show really is about saying there is more than you know that is going on here.